I had covered all my bases after being drugged. I had spoken to the police – they couldn’t help. I had spoken to the Body Corporate of the building and submitted a detailed report – without proof they wouldn’t help. I had changed the locks and studiously avoided the front entrance where he sat in the morning. As it turned out he barely left his flat for 3 weeks after the event, so that was superfluous anyway.
I had stayed in close contact with The Divas teachers to ensure that she was indeed OK and her dad had paid the building manager a visit. I tried to find another flat but with no real resources I couldn’t afford what was available.
I was reeling at that stage, I couldn’t eat or sleep. On the rare occasions that the demon made an appearance I would take another route through the block, using the back entrance, the stairs, anything not to run into him, especially when with my daughter.
We were stuck there and we were afraid.
Enter the fabulous Toni Mc Guire!
Toni is a close friend of the woman I work for. She had become a bestselling author by writing about her life of abuse and neglect. This woman is a survivor of note – what she survived in childhood is unimaginable, truly. She has a heart of gold but my God she is tough! My boss had told her what had happened and that I wasn’t coping well. She had asked me if I wanted to speak to Toni and see if she could help. I agreed immediately. She arrived at the restaurant one afternoon and waited for me to finish my shift and promptly kidnapped me and took me round the corner for coffee and a little chat…..
Unlike everyone else she definitely didn’t handle me with kid gloves – thank heavens! Toni didn’t waste time. She basically told me that I was choosing to be a victim and was certainly behaving like one. She said that if I ever wanted to be free of fear I had to stop running away with my tail between my legs. I had to start using the front entrance of the building and if the demon appeared I was to look him straight in the eye. I didn’t have to speak, but I had to stand firm, not only for myself, but also for my child. By running away I was teaching my daughter to be a victim too!
Jeez Louise but she laid into me!
Sound hardcore? Perhaps, but I trusted her implicitly. She had survived years of impossible trauma. She had lived through things that you and I can barely conceive of.
It’s an amazing thing to hear your circumstances translated by a woman that has walked through fire. Before long she had me screaming with laughter at the way she’d have handled him. Talking about my ‘sad story’ became a one woman comedy show and believe me that was exactly what I needed. Her passion and humor were the gifts that gave me courage to stand up for myself. That day she filled me with fire and determination. Hell-fire actually!
That same afternoon I had an opportunity to test my mettle. I was waiting at the lift (which has a glass panel), and I realised that the demon was in the lift but hadn’t seen me. As the lift came to rest I opened the door and just looked at him. The demon got such a fright he promptly closed the door and it the ‘UP’ button – funny that, I always thought hell was down…..
And it continued. After a few weeks he eventually had to come out of his flat to run the building and when we saw him I would just look, never saying anything and he would scurry off like a rat.
For a while it felt fantastic. I felt free and powerful. Toni had been right!
‘Yeah run you slime from the inside of a sloths belly!’
There was just one problem, while I was enjoying taking back control of my life and a release from fear, my daughter was still afraid.
I knew I had to find a way to help her, but the only thing that ultimately made sense was the one thing I really didn’t want to do…..
to be continued…