Biting the Acid Bullet

21 May

So you’re a ‘Lostling’? Adopted? No biological parents or family – you know they’re out there, so what?

I came across a blog recently called ‘Harsh Reality’ which piqued my interest. This chap has written his adoption story which reads somewhat differently to mine. He wrote that his mother had kept his sister but given him away. From what I could understand he believes it was possibly due to the fact that girls are easier to look after.

I instantly had the ‘ugly bells‘ start ringing in my head.

After what I’ve experienced I’ve come to believe that there is, or should, be a huge difference in the motivation for finding the parents and finding the sibs. The parents are easy – in their hands they hold your identitity, your roots, your further understanding of yourself and your sense of self worth.

Your siblings are another kettle of fish entirely. 

Just to be clear: Some of you will find your families and at the same time discover that devils do indeed walk the earth!  Am I trying to scare you? YES! Not every story has a happy ending.

For myself, I always imagined that my sister would be a hardcore chick fiercely protecting her mother from the onslaught of the bastard spawn. I was horribly and wonderfully wrong! As turns out she was kind and sweet and totally open to having a relationship with me – wonderful! What wasn’t so wonderful was the fact that she hadn’t grown up with mum either AND we had a brother who I didn’t even know about!

Not in my wildest imaginings could did I ever think of this version – and that’s the rub …

‘Pre-conceived ideas can be the blinders that cover your eyes to the truth and prevent you from taking action.’

Your siblings don’t have the same experience, memories and life issues as your parents and this is where the ‘HR’ blog began to torment me….

Finding your brothers and sisters could very well lead you down a path of utter nightmare because you really have no way to know who and what they are and how you will be received – BUT – what if your fears and pre-conceived ideas are bullshit? What if your sibs have been waiting their entire lives to connect with you, and more to the point…

what if your siblings need you…

I like to think that the horror stories are the exception and not the rule when it comes to finding family, perhaps I’m wrong, I don’t have the stats to prove either side. What I do know is this: inbetween all the happy and sad there are people out there, brothers and sisters, that have never been loved by anyone. What if your sibs fall into this category?

By the time we eventually hook up with our families we’re generally all grown up and it’s easy to assume that there’s no point in finding them now because whatever they went through is over, but there’s the thing – there’s no statute of limitations on childhood pain. They may well be grown with their own families, they may also be too lost for saving. But how do you know? Your appearance may well be the miracle they need to finally begin to heal whatever it is they went through, in fact let me go one step further. Your appearance might be the only miracle that CAN heal them.

The variations of what can happen are truly endless and many of you have made peace with who and what you are and don’t particularily want to open old wounds, and that’s fine. BUT – if you have even the slightest niggle that you really haven’t done all that your spirit requires, then go and find them!

The amount of pain involved in being rejected all over again is truly unquantifiable, but what if you’re wrong? What if it was you waiting for them to care enough to rescue you?

There is no way to truly prepare for the unknown, but there is a way to prepare to be the finest human you can – CHOOSE! You may be the only person that cares about them, and you may just save their lives.

Wouldn’t you want that if the roles were reversed?






Posted by on May 21, 2013 in Adoption Journey


Tags: , , , , ,

13 responses to “Biting the Acid Bullet

  1. Susan Donald

    May 22, 2013 at 8:12 am

    Excellent. Beth ! Well. Bloody written and so true for other people I know

    Sent from my iPhone

    • theforestscribe

      May 23, 2013 at 9:54 am

      Now if only I can get a few people to heed my words I’ll be getting somewhere!

  2. derek gallacher

    May 22, 2013 at 8:03 am

    Very deep and thoughtful,well written.

  3. Opinionated Man

    May 22, 2013 at 7:31 am

    It is a nice thought. Sadly, I will never know. My mother, since I feel the need to share a bit more with you, kept her not out of love, but because she was older and easier to take care of. It is a common occurrence in Korea and possibly the world. I do appreciate the post and the well wishes. It is amazing to hear happy endings happen… mine just never will happen. But after my life, I am simply happy to be where I am and I am OK with that. “They” will just have to be happy with theirs as well. Again thanks.

    Wish you the best,

    • theforestscribe

      May 23, 2013 at 9:52 am

      I will exert supernatural restraint (for me) and say; cool, thanks for reading! Hehe

      • Opinionated Man

        May 23, 2013 at 11:05 am

        Thanks and I do realize others have different experiences! I am glad you have. 🙂

      • theforestscribe

        May 23, 2013 at 11:18 am

        I know-just had to try!

      • Opinionated Man

        May 23, 2013 at 11:23 am

        And I really do appreciate it and found your story fascinating! Are there more related posts?

      • theforestscribe

        May 23, 2013 at 11:34 am

        All my adoption story under the finding and meeting fam section-story still unfolding so writing as it does – still have to get to scotland to meet mother

      • Opinionated Man

        May 23, 2013 at 11:41 am

        I am going to snoop around if you don’t mind? 🙂

      • theforestscribe

        May 23, 2013 at 11:51 am

        Bloggers live for snooping! hahahahaha

      • Opinionated Man

        May 23, 2013 at 11:55 am

        We do indeed! 🙂


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