A delightful few weeks of angst and fury. Kids, teachers, bosses and the world at large all lining up to stress the daylights out of me…..until I remembered the Velcro Factor!
I have the unfortunate ‘ability’ to empathise with everyone. I was also ‘blessed’ with an inordinate amount of ‘male crusader traits’ – loosly translated that means that I take on everyone’s problems and feel the need to help them sort their stuff out.
This is ‘The Velcro Factor’ – it’s also the quickest way to one’s mental and physical demise!
Everything sticks, and sometimes it becomes virtually impossible to detach yourself from the drama. I allow myself to become so involved that I begin to feel other’s pain on every level until there are times I can barely breathe. Added to that I have my own issues to deal with and the combination of ‘theirs’ and ‘mine’ is enough to make me very, very tired.
And of course there is the frustration factor of not always being able to help, of having to stand back and allow life to take it’s course – the anguish of letting go is sometimes indescribable.
I’m not sure why I’m like this. It’s more than likely another ‘adoptee rejection issue’ on some level which leads to a false sense of my own abilities and responsibilities – another loose translation – mentally cracked!
I have one point in my favour nowadays. I’m finally recognising that not only am I this way, but more importantly – how bad it is for me and how vital it is to learn to detach.
The other aspect of this of course is that all the people I feel responsible for are not necessarily benefitting from my involvement. Help is good, but more often than not it is wise to step away and allow people to handle their own lives. One huge reason is because whatever people are going through is their journey and it’s been sent to them so that they can learn and grow as they must. If one constantly interferes, they lose out on all the lessons and all the strength and wisdom that The Universe has prepared – for them. Added to that, with my domineering and arrogant nature, I find myself lecturing and pointing fingers which quite frankly, I have no right to do. So not only do I mess with their journey, I often make them feel crap too!
My focus for this weekend and onwards from here is to release the need to solve any but my own issues. I will attempt to find my own quiet space within myself which is reserved for my stuff only.
And for those of you who know and love me – please pretend that I am the daughter of the emperor who ran about in no clothes. From now on I have a sign on my head that reads ‘I am already busy sorting out ME’………. (what do you mean you can’t see it…you must be rather foolish…).
I believe I will always care too much, but it’s time to release the world, to detach from others’ pain and paths and to concentrate on my own.
After all, on my own I’m a handful already – and that’s no maybe!