Shag Implants…..Really?

Implanon - contraceptive implant
Implanon – contraceptive implant

Back in the day, when I was still shagging, things were normal and simple in terms of contraception. Take this pill, use that condom – get the picture?

Imagine my surprise when I worriedly asked my daughter’s teacher why her arm was so badly bruised ( I was all ready to give her the ‘it’s time to leave him speech’), when she smiled and said ‘ that’s my new contraceptive’.

‘Excuse me?’

Yep, no more tabs or jabs or weird wire thingy’s up the gazoo – now they insert a plastic rod into your arm….yes your arm!

It’s a simple procedure. They give you a local anaesthetic which does hurt like a mother for a few seconds, and then shoot the rod into the arm you don’t use to write with. It leaves a hellish bruise and is a bit tender for a few days, but otherwise fairly painless.

The short version of how it works is that it continually secretes a small amount of Etonogestrel (synthetic hormone resembling Progesterone) and lasts for up to 3 years. It can be removed before that time obviously, but must not be left in longer.

Being a bit of a ‘Negative Nancy’, I’ve looked for side effects and can’t find anything too off-putting. From what I can find it seems pretty safe and highly effective. The only real pause would be to ensure that when you go for the procedure you check your list of meds with them as some may react badly.

(Implanon may interact with phenylbutazone, modafinil, St. John’s wort, antibiotics, seizure medicines, barbiturates, and HIV medicines.

I’m not sure how long this product has been available on the rest of the planet, but here in Africa it’s only just been released. If you want to read more hit the link at the bottom of this post.

While you do that I’m going to make a nice soothing cup of tea while I reflect on the weirdness of this planet …… a shag rod….jeez…… next thing they’ll tell us the world’s bloody round!



3 responses to “Shag Implants…..Really?”

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