When elastic wins through…

18 Aug


Mother never warned me about That!

Mother never warned me about That!

Over 40, great hair, a winning smile………..and a great big belly?

Yep, welcome to the club!!!!

I lead an excessively active lifestyle. Between the restaurant I work in and the the child I work on – I never stop! I should be gorgeous, people should stop and admire my middle-aged brilliance, shouldn’t they….

When 45 came and went, my body instantly, and without the slightest apology, loaded my middle with a floppy tire. My daughter took one look and exclaimed ‘Oh my God, you look like you’re melting!’

I felt wonderful.

So I excercised and drank water and relied on my past weight – burning ability to kick in and rid me of the dreaded ooze and……. Nada! I may as well have sat on my arse and eaten pizza all day for all the good it did me. To add insult to injury it’s also quite squishy, clearly a different breed of alien from that nice firm fat we’re accustomed to.

This afternoon, in utter desperation I found myself looking for elastisized denims, like my mother used to wear. As I wept in shame and covered myself with sack cloth and ashes in the changing rooms, I realised that I was one step away from looking like Homer Simpson for the rest of my life.

It was time to take action! It was time to Google.

Now I won’t bore you with silly details, I’m depressed enough without still explaining this horror in detail. The bottom line is that as we head to middle age, visceral fat begins to push out the abdominal wall and your middle begins to grow and grow and grow…..and worst of all – you don’t necessarily even put on weight!

Worse – because before you discover this delightful fact, you might quite possibly have driven yourself mental (as I did), trying to figure out how in heavens name you cannot even squeeze into your denims when the scale hasn’t moved so much as an inch.

And there’s better news ahead – sweating buckets doing sit ups probably won’t work!


God we’re screwed!

Basically targeting the stomach area with excercise will strengthen the muscles but in order to drastically reduce the stomach we HAVE TO do aerobic excercises to burn the sucker right off! (to say nothing of drinking gallons of water and eating better).

The good news however, is that after the shock of seeing your new muffin blob smile at you as it oozes out from under your favourite tank top, you do now know that what has attacked you is normal. It was always going to happen….

It is a peri-menopausal occurrance in your mid 40’s and even the skinny chicks are gonna get one – albeit a tad smaller.

So live with it or run it off, whatever you decide it’s here to stay – in one form or another – lovely neh?

For those just dying to punish themselves with the specifics there’s a few fun articles waiting for you on the links below:






Posted by on August 18, 2014 in Strings of Sentences


Tags: , , , , , ,

8 responses to “When elastic wins through…

  1. JoAnne Silvia

    August 22, 2014 at 3:11 am

    Thanks so much for your humor. I needed that. At 50, I was shocked to discover my inside upper thighs turned to jelly overnight. At 58 my belly is bigger and softer. I still love my dear sweet body, but like a loving parent, I’m not going to let it do whatever it wants. Well, maybe every now and then.

    • theforestscribe

      September 14, 2014 at 7:03 am

      Good for you! it’s a shock to wake up and find out you’ve been body swapped by age, but once the shock wears off we need to love every ounce and fight with the bits we can’t!

  2. Mark Lanesbury

    August 18, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    Or we can just accept ourselves for exactly who we are, and just be happy. Yes, that’s the whole purpose of this journey…to love ourselves πŸ™‚ And we deliberately go through the mill as children to tack those fears and horrors of life on board, so that we can find ourselves among those trials in life.
    But the end product is this shiny new model, who excels in all those lovely things in life…like relaxed, happy persona, wise and most of all, full of that love for themselves which allows them to then give from that place within.
    You can do it…now give yourself a smile and a hug in the mirror. I’m serious…the day you can do that…your there πŸ™‚
    Have a wonderful day with that beautiful person inside you, and just think, you could be short, tall, smelly armpits or heaven forbid, smart! You in fact are in a great place within you. Accept that place with gratitude, give a thought to those that aren’t, and do not give your tummy the energy to be a rogue trader on the middle floor of your body.
    Listen to your heart and the truth that it speaks. And smile…plus everyone will wonder what your up to πŸ™‚ Namaste

    • theforestscribe

      August 19, 2014 at 6:24 am

      Ok, I gave myself a very self-conscious hug and told myself how gorgeous I am – true story – felt like an idiot but it gave me a giggle! Now I don’t know who’s weirder – you or me????? hehehehe Namaste

      • Mark Lanesbury

        August 19, 2014 at 6:58 am

        The laughter is a coping strategy to cover our awkwardness. We all do it, some use other emotions, anger or denial. You at least tried my friend, most are too afraid to.
        If you can get close to the (full length) mirror, look into your eyes, and speak these magic words ‘I love (insert name here) for exactly who I am!’, and not react and be accepting of what you feel within…you are touching your truth within. And anyway, the giggle made you feel good, didn’t it? πŸ™‚
        After a while you gain wisdom from this life and it’s journey, and it becomes second nature because you learn to accept who you are, and it no longer is an issue of what others think, or how it makes you feel, because you have been through your fears and released those things that kept you in bondage to those fears.
        I’m smiling now…thinking of each time you are in the mirror and you’ll think about saying it…and laugh…and then nod your head and say to yourself, ‘I do love you!’, and feel at peace because you have begun that journey. Namaste

      • theforestscribe

        August 20, 2014 at 6:19 am

        I’m thrilled to say I don’t own a full length mirror! As to the self love stuff…well you know me – baby steps!

  3. chatycat

    August 18, 2014 at 10:40 pm

    OMG, that is soooo true!!!!!! I have one of those awful bellies too with slim legs, normal upper body and I look like I drink a case of beer a day!!!!! And it is very stubborn!!!
    So yes, I have learned to dress around it and wear jeans that stretch to accommodate my belly because it truly has a mind of its own!!!!! I am in my mid-fifties now and it isn’t going away and I am not willing to starve myself!!!!
    Well written!!!!!
    Cathy x

    • theforestscribe

      August 19, 2014 at 6:25 am

      Thanks Cathy and good for you – DON’T starve yourself – life is too precious to spend it starving and miserable!


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